Even being able to say that warms my heart.
You are my darling. And I am so happy that you are here.
I have waited 679 days to love you.
679 days precisely, of imagining everything you would be like to keep me afloat on tough days.
Of imagining the way you’d have your arms open as soon as you got to my door. The way you’d pat my head when we’re being silly, the way you’d kiss my cheeks just because, the way you’d memorize my hand like I would yours, the way you’d feel my pain from just the stories I told, and the way your soul would recognize mine.
With no hesitation, you can tell me how much you love and appreciate me each and every day.
And most times, I only have silence to respond with.
Because how do you prove to him that he is your savior. That a broken girl has been saved by a kind soul like you.
How do you show that all your dark parts have been loved, and your broken pieces hugged.
How do I tell you how dark my days have been, how much of a home I’ve made there, for you to be the brightest light I stopped looking for.
Because I stopped asking for it to be easy, I only asked for strength to make it through.
But somehow, I was given you.
You, that encompasses more than all that I could ever dream of. As if you were the gift for all the tears I’ve cried; for all the pieces of me that I lost and gave away. For every day I believed the world no longer needed me.
Every moment with you, is a flashback of all the things I once asked for, but became convinced I was asking too much of.
The messages I reread, because I can’t believe they are written to me. The “you’re the best,” “I miss you,” and “I love you.” The “will you go on a date with me, Nakita?” The long messages that bring me to my knees, because I just can’t believe.
The moments I replay, because they are happening to me. The laughter of mine that is mixed with yours, the dinners across from you, the late night drives next to you, the moments you whisper, “I can’t believe you’re real. I’ve waited my whole life for you.” The moments when we scare ourselves because we couldn’t be more similar; to our favorite cough drops, to little habits no one knows of, to the things we mumble to ourselves, and the writing pieces we secretly stash. Oh yes, and the history of our families who just love each other a little too much lol.
The gifts I receive, because I never imagined they’d be for me. The things you think are small, the surprises you think have failed. You have no idea that in those moments I am lost, unable to decipher if I am just dreaming. Unable to say all that I feel, because the small space in my chest, can barely carry all the pain of healing and happiness in one wave.
It would be hard not to believe, that you were made just for me, as I was for you.
I love that you are my soul twin, my teammate, my other Dory. You are silly, and serious, and dorky, and nerdy, but secretly a dancer and drawer, and other things, just like me. You crave growth and the greater things just as I do. And we both, in this lifetime, aim to know our souls to the fullest we can. You are my Sour Patch opponent in every roasting battle we have, but once the opportunity arises to roast someone on the outside, you are my favorite comrade lol. “That’s my girl.” I love how proud you are in our achievements of pettiness haha.
You help me wear my battle scars as badges; you are the protector of my soul, steering me clear of anything that hurts it. You are my partner in life, through the ups and the downs.
I wouldn’t trade you for the world.
And I would hope that from today and everyday, I could be all that you ever deserved. Because when a woman who has prayed for you, is given the chance to love you, know that her love will only grow, and that you will be all that she ever knows.
To my Mr. Baggio Koobhmoov Lo,
I Love You.
So, so much.