I like to alternate from writing for others and myself. Healthy, deep care for others, always starts with Self-Care. 🙂
Well, I’m officially 23.
23 is such an odd stage, I think. It’s 2 years after 21, and 2 years before the big ole quarter-of-a-century, 25.
Eeek. Lol. ‘Eeek’ but somehow I’m so excited to be 30 haha.
Whether I realized it or not, I think every year of my life has had its own overarching theme or lesson for my greater growth.
I think 22 was for me to redefine everything in life for myself: success, happiness, dreams, relationships, etc.
And I think 23 is to accept it, and step into it. Step into all the new definitions I have found for myself.
This year, I didn’t celebrate but I felt celebrated. I didn’t receive gifts, but I felt loved.
I used to think gifts were one of my love languages, but it’s not. Words of Affirmations are. I love words, kind words.
I used to think I was hard to please, but I’m not. My friends didn’t spend a cent on me but put phone videos together to wish me a happy birthday from the bottom of their hearts.
I used think I was hard to love, but I think the more I step into my own light, I am loved, and I will be loved by the right people, for the right reasons.
And I used to think I couldn’t stop loving, but I can. I can stop loving people and things. Because when you’ve tasted enough pain, it isn’t hard to make sacrifices to never break the same way again.
I have no interest in being pretty. I would like to be a very deep soul, loving, kind, driven, and brave. I like those things.
I’m 23 now. Like I was throughout my whole life, I am still very intact with the adolescent me. But at the same time, I’m not. I’m the newest and most different version of myself I’ve ever seen.
Sometimes my memory is stuck as the 17-year-old Me. The time before all the biggest pivotal events happened. I remember how that me would react, what that me would say, think or feel. I know that me thought I would’ve studied in South Korea by now, be well known as a dancer, and with the completion of my degree, happy with a 9-5, and being on my way to graduate from girlfriend to wife.
Haha. I have to chuckle a little at 17-year-old me. I have to chuckle because now I can tell her that life doesn’t work that way. But I chuckle with a hint of sadness because I knew how hard she believed; believed in the innocence of things, beauty of the world, and the good of people. Most of all, I knew how she believed in herself.
I am the newest me, but I have to say, she was the most fearless me. Although I know so much more than her, there are also many things she could teach me.
To teach me to just dream again; to be myself, everything and anything. To just go for all I wish to do. To not care about trends, opinions, and trivial things.
23 is stepping into all that I am, while reaching back to bring the little parts of me, that made me most Me.
23 is Rebirth.
Happy Birthday Nakita. ❤