I am just far too much sometimes.
Too much of a lot things. Too much that I can completely understand that in these years of my becoming, why no one could last too long near me. Why things couldn’t hold onto me.
I Am Too Much.
I am too much passion. Which also means, I want to do everything one after another, without taking a breath of fresh air in between because I don’t realize what fuels me more: air or the things I love.
I am too much dreams. Everything is sunny, blue skies; clouds that I never stop conquering, clouds that never look too big even though everyone else is staring. Clouds that only leave me dreaming of more every time I achieve something.
I am too much love. I love in every way others haven’t thought of. I love in ways that even I never knew I could think of. I love and love to the smallest details, until the person I love feels out-loved; too loved that they couldn’t give love back. Too loved that they wouldn’t want the burden of carrying that.
I am too much child. I believe in the good of things, the rainbows and butterflies, the disney and fairytales. I believe in things through the lens of bubbles and pixie dust. I believe in the beauty, in the make-believe, and the could-be’s.
I am too much fire. Like fire that lights and warms the world, fire burns too when it can’t stop growing. When it is grasping for ground because it is expanding more than it is ready for, and when it only means to hold onto to the closest things around it; it just burns. And in it all, fire still doesn’t even know it’s fire. It is immune to its own flames.
I am too much curiosity. I want to know why the world works the way it does. Why people are the way they are. I want to know the world’s darkest fears, I want to know the softest wounds, I want to know what makes people happy; I want to know what makes them cry. I want to know the what-ifs. I want to know what it means to be, I want to know the possibilities. I just always want to know.
I am also too much fear sometimes. Too much fear that I won’t be okay with who I am at the moment it is time for me to no longer be. Too much fear that the world cannot take care of the heart I give out and use to take care of theirs. Too much fear of losing people, myself, and time that I end up losing them in desperate attempt to hold together, everything around me.
I am probably too much thoughts too. But when you are your own opponent, you realize that you don’t have to be your own bully, you can be your own trainer and challenge yourself to rise, dodge, and win yourself in growth.
Maybe it is not others who leave, maybe it is I who has left. Onto new things on my journey, from things I didn’t realize I outgrew.