Tainted.

It’s been hard to write. Because how do you write when you are seeking words & wisdom for yourself.

There comes a time when everything you’ve never wanted, catches up to you. All the things you’ve ever ran away from, the things you said you would never be, couldn’t be–all of a sudden exist in your world. When people you never wanted to know, now exist within your grasp. When experiences you never wanted to feel, now exist in your body; thoughts you never wanted to think, now exist in your mind, & words you’ve never wanted to say, find their way off your tongue.

My picture-perfect world is tainted. Tainted by all the things that I thought would never touch me. There is no judgement I could place on another. For everything I couldn’t understand about someone else, has found its way, nestled in my life.

My fairytales of perfect Prince Charmings, & princesses that had everything conspired to work out for them, one-shot everlasting love stories, punished villains, & victorious heroes & clear cut lines…

Has become a tainted story of reality.

Where is the fine line between bravery & foolishness, a big heart & lack of self-respect, independent or outcasted, truth & self-assurance, different or just the same, intuition or assumption, the knowing or the unknown.

Every heart and soul may be tainted, every plot may be twisted, but I guess to win it all is to know that you are always the writer of your story. You cannot control the actions of others, how they perceive you, how they treat you, & how they speak of you, but you can always control you & your actions & thoughts. You are the one who holds the pen to your life at all times, no matter how many others may splatter ink onto your page.

Daily, I prepare a war to fight for the person I’ve worked so hard to build & become. Because it took so long to even grasp the tiny bits I do have of her. To have the confidence to love every bit of imperfection that I am, to never see myself through a broken mirror, to always make it through the sea of ink from others, no matter how thick.

I Am the Writer of My Story, & I ask not of a taintless page, but the strength to carry on a novel through a tainted one.

Cheers for my sequels to come.

 

With Love & Warm Hugs,

Nakita ❤

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