Too many people love me at my best, I just need a moment to breathe. Too many accept nothing less than perfect & I just can’t always give that. I need a moment to catch my breath. I need a shoulder to rest my head on too. An ear that will listen. A moment to be scared & cry.
But I’m always too strong. Always too ahead. Always too ambitious. Always too good. Always deserving more. Always got it. Always gonna get back up anyways. Always so much fire.
Will the world just stop deciding for me?
Deciding that it’s okay to put me through whatever because I’m gonna make it anyway. Deciding it’s better to leave me alone, keep me in the dark, to “protect” me, to not “taint” me. Just shut up, please.
Being “perfect” is lonely. You’re just a trophy, and where do trophies go? Locked away on a glass shelf, where the world can see but can’t touch.
That’s probably why I’ve been running away from my dreams lately even though my body is chasing them. Because when people ask me what I’m really afraid of, I already know. It’s Me. I’m afraid of the Me I can become without people. The Me that is everything I am truly capable of. Because if I really become Me…then one day it just might be a really lonely place where no one else thinks they need or can reach because you already got it all.
So to keep people around, we pretend to only be half of ourselves so someone else can always feel stronger, feel more useful, feel more savior, more heroic for us.
But truth is, people like me always need help. We are the worst. We can drown & resurface in one sitting. Because the biggest monster lives in our reflection.
This is me. My life has been dictated by the awards I can accumulate on my shelf, the icons I can attach to my name in graduation pamphlets, the bullet points to my resume. But this is just not all of Me….& that is all I am trying to be.